the pain after the loss

The day I dreaded had to come. The day that I knew I was going to be an emotional mess. Having miscarried at 10 weeks, an estimated due date had already been shared with Matt and I when we could plan for our bundle of joy to arrive. Now as the days passed I knew that July 12th was coming. I did not know what to expect as I sat with my hands on my stomach imagining how big I would be at 9 month pregnant. Feeling my baby kick and move. I knew that on my due date instead of experiencing the pain of child birth, the adrenaline rush of seeing life that we created lay in my arms. I would be experiencing the pain of loss, the adrenaline rush of emotions and seeing my empty hands rest on my lap.

It was the longest 9 months of my life. Hearing of expectant friends and seeing pictures of pregnant bellies invade my wall. Seeing arrival announcements of new born babies days away from our due date thinking that would have been us. Wondering if we would be celebrating the arrival of a baby boy or girl.

July 12th was a day that brought on a whirl wind of emotions. Surrounded by family during our annual camping trip and being able to escape from what seemed like the pregnant world around me I felt safe and most of all loved. I was surrounded by a family who I knew walked along side Matt and I through our journey of loss.

#pain #loss #family #friends #oneyear